Assassination Exams
by taking it easy
Summary: Kakashi was famous "Bell Test." A final exam at Konoha High that was so difficult no amount of Bell Curve could stop everyone from failing. So, he would always give his students an 'out' of sorts. This year... "Have you heard of the game called 'Assassin?" (Just a dumb oneshot I had on the backburner for a while. Decided I'd finally post it.)


"It's a rather simple game," Kakashi Hatake lightly as he handed out white plastic spoons to the twelve participating students in front of him. "These spoons are your 'weapons.' Your goal is to take out your target, who I will assign to you through text messages shortly. The game begins once you are assigned your target.

"You 'kill' your target by striking them with a plastic spoon on the torso or head. It is against the rules to cause any lasting harm to your target.

"When you manage to take out your target, both of you are required to notify me, and then the eliminated party's target will become the successful assassin's new target. I.e., if Naruto were to 'kill' Sakura, whose target _was_ Sasuke, then Naruto's new target would become Sasuke.

"It is against the rules to attack anyone except for your target or the assassin targeting you. Finally, if you eliminate your assassin in self-defense, you should also notify me; however, the assassin targeting the 'dead' combatant will be notified, and given a _completely arbitrary_ target. So multiple assassins with the same target may occur.

"Obviously, the last participant left in the game wins. Your prize if you win?" Kakashi smiled serenely at his students, "You don't have to take my final. You'll receive an automatic one hundred percent in my class."

Kakashi Hatake was famous through Konoha Academy. His final exam for freshmen was _notoriously_ difficult. No one had ever passed, leading to no student ever receiving a perfect 4.0 GPA. Kakashi got away with this by teaching a class that wasn't necessary to graduate, so even people failing his class could move on in life.

Despite the class not being essential, the auto A plus was _very_ motivational.

 _Very Motivational_

"An automatic A?" Naruto Uzumaki thought to himself excitedly, "That would get everyone to acknowledge me for sure!" He looked down at his phone once again. Staring at the name he had been given, he grieved silently, "Now if only I knew who this Shino guy was."

Sakura Haruno was in a similar state of despair. "Mom and Dad will kill me if I don't ace this final! But that would mean I'd have to take away Sasuke's chances, too." She viciously closed the messaging app on her phone, "Ah, that's assuming I even _could_ get Sasuke. Maybe I should just start studying now."

"Top the school ranks. Get into a Criminal Justice major. Bring down Itachi." Sasuke Uchiha repeated as a mantra, already stalking his prey. "I _will_ bring down Itachi and no small-time professor's stupid exams are going to stop me." Casually as he could, Sasuke bent down to a water fountain, keeping a keen eye for any suspicious figures who may have been trying to creep up behind him.

He saw Kiba blatantly aware, holding his spoon in front of him. Boasting that he would win the A plus.

Sasuke snapped his leg toward Kiba. He had already taped a plastic spoon to it, and tried to swipe it across the boy's chest.

"Whoa! What?!" Kiba backed out of the path of the kick just in time, and tried to look for his attacker.

Sasuke, seeing his attempt would fail, ducked into a classroom before he was spotted, only allowing Kiba to see a dark mass.

Peeking into the room, Kiba only saw several students – none of them participants – and growled before stomping away petulantly.

Rock Lee, meanwhile, was lamenting over the fact the fate had been so cruel as to lead him to 'kill' Sakura. "How unfortunate that I must extinguish her flames of youth so early in the game!" He was lamenting primarily to his friend Neji Hyuuga, who did not appear to be listening.

"Fortunately, that does not appear to be a problem." A voice spoke out from behind Lee. Keeping Lee between himself and Neji, Shino Aburame poked his hooded head out just a small bit. "Why? Because you have been struck out by the Shino."

 _Ping! Ping!_

Kakashi looked up to see two new messages, both informing him that – "Wow, a student got eliminated already? The game's been active only for two hours."

 _Ping!_

Shino backed away from Neji cautiously before checking his phone. _Shino Aburame, your new target is Sakura Haruno._ Looking up at the Hyuuga across from him, who rather than pay attention to the potential threat, had taken to berating Lee for losing so quickly, Shino backed away quietly.

Hinata Hyuuga blushed heavily as she approached Naruto with her spoon hidden in her sleeve. The competition had started yesterday, and she had felt horrible upon seeing that her target was Naruto. Even now, after having nearly twenty-four hours to prepare herself, she didn't know if she could go through with it.

Especially once Naruto turned to look at her. "Oh, hey, Hinata."

She balked, "Um, hello, N-Naruto."

"You probably know who Shino is, right?" Naruto asked, showing Hinata the message. "'Cuz I can't really get him if I dunno who he is, ya know?"

Nervously, Hinata began to describe Shino to him, "He usually wears a hood… and sunglasses… and he also is very quiet."

"Thanks, Hinata! That helps a lot!"

Blushing even more instensely, Hinata inched her spoon out of her sleeve. She had already apologized as she lashed out, hitting the wall. "O-Oh, he left."

Ino Yamanaka was scared. She had gotten _Neji Hyuuga_ as a target. Neji was already basically a ninja. He was very athletic, did gymnastics, martial arts, and parkour. If not for Sasuke Uchiha, Neji would probably win hands down.

Worse than that, however, was her _assassin,_ a girl named Tenten. The sheer amount of spoons Tenten had amassed in the three days for which the game had been active amazed her. Ino had barely managed to escape the Fern of Doom or the girl's bathroom with her assassin status still in tact.

Even with remarkably improbable luck on her side, however, Ino was still no match for the older girl once she got cornered and Tenten started _throwing_ spoon after spoon until Ino finally got hit on her forehead.

The most shocking part was that before the girls could message the game keeper, Kakashi, several spoons rose up, seemingly of their own accord, and flew towards Tenten. She managed to dodge most and deflect a couple, when – to Ino's complete discombobulation, the lazy bastard _Shikamaru_ popped out of _nowhere_ to swipe a spoon right across Tenten's neck.

Kakashi was shocked, too.

So, by the end of the stunning exchange, Ino and Tenten had both been eliminated, and Shikamaru now had to worry about Neji.

Neji, meanwhile, had encountered his cousin and target, Hinata. Both were only slightly distracted when the intercom called someone to "Clean up the mountain of spoons everywhere."

Neji lunged at his feeble cousin, and through a brief bout in which both brandished baffling dexterity, Neji had managed to eliminate his younger cousin.

"Naruto, huh?" Neji read. "That loser shouldn't be a problem."

It was Day Four of the game, a Thursday, when Hinata approached Naruto again. "Ah! Hinata! I thought I had found Shino, but every time it was someone else. How are you doing? You got your target yet?"

Flinching at the thought of having Naruto as her target, Hinata hung her head low. "Ah, I was defeated."

"Oh, that sucks. Who got you?"

"N-Neji."

"Your cousin? Ouch," Naruto grimaced, "That was just bad luck. So who was your target?"

A fierce blush overtook her face and Hinata looked away, poking her forefingers together anxiously, "Ah, y-you were my target."

Immediately, the blood withdrew from Naruto face, "S-So, Neji's coming after me next?" When Hinata nodded nervously, Naruto could only groan, "This is going to _suck_ , ya know?"

Sasuke watched from behind a fern – he had found several spare spoons in it as well – as Kiba approached Chouji quite overtly.

"Hey, Chouji?" The large lad looked up from his meal just as a spoon tapped him on the nose.

Not even looking all that disappointed, Chouji pulled out his phone to message Kakashi. "My target was Shikamaru. Good luck, Kiba."

"Thanks!" Kiba smirked. Now if only he knew who kept going after _him_.

Sakura had felt confident that she could perform well on the exam, and had thus stopped hunting Sasuke. She still kept her spoon on her, in case her assassin struck, but that was mostly to help Sasuke stay in the game. One week had passed, and she had begun studying hard for the finals in two more weeks. Despite being lost in the land of books, however, she stilled remained on edge, and thus was perfectly prepared when a hooded figure who was decidedly _not Sasuke_ thrust a white plastic spoon at her.

Kakashi looked at the message, seeing both Shino and Sakura informing him of the former's elimination, before deciding. Eventually, he did notify Naruto of his new target, Sasuke.

After days of trying and failing to stealthily nick Kiba, Sasuke had finally managed it. He looked at the frustrated boy on the floor beneath him. A single plastic was sticking out of the boy's mouth. Kiba punched the floor dejectedly as he mumbled the name of Sasuke's new target – Shikamaru Nara.

Shikamaru, meanwhile, found himself in a pickle. Neji had proven himself far more aware than he had anticipated. The Hyuuga boy lashed out repeatedly with the spoons he dual wielded. Shikamaru was quickly worn down and had only managed to lure hi opponent under a fixed light when he was 'killed.' Neji followed soon after when spoons literally rained from the ceiling. It was anticlimactic for both.

 _Ping!_ Sasuke glanced down at the message.

"Naruto? Huh, easy."

Sakura had found Naruto Uzumaki dueling Sasuke Uchiha in the courtyard. Apparently, the two of them had each other for targets.

She had no idea how many were left, but she did know that since the incident with Shino, she had not been assailed.

She cheered as Sasuke skillfully deflected some spoons that Naruto had thrown haphazardly at the darker boy.

The two clashed again, and she noticed Kakashi sitting beside her to enjoy the show as well.

"They're really getting into it, huh?" The man spoke jovially.

She nodded.

Broken plastic littered the courtyard, and Kakashi made a note to remind them to clean it up afterwards.

Somehow the two had ended up on opposite ends of the yard, and in true shounen fashion, they started smack talking to interrupt the action.

"You're going down, Jerk."

"Not likely, Idiot."

"I'm gonna win, then I'll get my 'A,' ya know!"

"Again, not likely."

"Grr, don't take me lightly."

"I could take you any time, any way. You're going to lose."

"I'm going to _crush_ you!"

"Give it your best."

The two sprinted at each other, rearing back with what Kakashi realized were gauntlets made of plastic spoons. How had they done that?

Naruto jumped into an overhead punch just as Sasuke slid up into an uppercut.

Spoons exploded and the two collided inevitably, crashing to the ground painfully and loudly.

When the dust settled, it was clear it had been a double knockout of epic proportions.

"Well, I guess Sakura wins the 'A.'"

" _I STUDIED FOR NOTHING!?_ "


End file.
